My dad is currently reading a book on geometry and the fourth dimension. This has raised the common conversation in this house of dimensional theory. None of us are physicists in this house. We just have an in-depth interest.
But the findings are mind blowing.
There is a theory that dimensions can be found between one another. For example, we are in the 3rd dimension, but above and below us, perhaps in heaven and hell, exists the 4th dimension. So, if an angel falls from heaven and lands in hell, they will pass through our dimension unseen.
How is it that the angel would be unseen?( The full essayCollapse )
Sources: Black Holes, Worm Holes and Time Machines by Jim Al-Khalili
Geometry, Reality and the Fourth Dimension by Rudolph Rucker
- Current Location:Home
- Current Mood: geeky
I find it curious that it is so easy for my days to be ruined. An experience which I believe many feel.
The day seems great and all is going, not necessarily well, but nothing has gone drastically wrong yet. And then something, or more likely someone, has decided to wreck it all. It can be a comment, a look, written words. But the reason for the sudden hit to your day is because it triggers something inside you that wants to confront it. You know that you have been wronged and you want defend your in-built sensibilities that say "This is wrong!".
Now there are those that handle confrontation well, and others, like me, who would rather flake away and follow the instinct that screams RUN! only that something holds you in place. In your own way you are saying "I am better than you and I know it.".
I think what I'm saying right now is probably garbage to a general reader, but from a personal standpoint, this is how I feel and have felt today.
I feel beaten and threatened by someone who feels they can best me. However, despite my hate for confrontation I have faced it, and it has unnerved me. My heart races harder and my face feels flushed with the 'fight'. Yet at the same time I feel that I am in the wrong, even though it is clearly the other way round.
It has also reminded me that people are hateful. For a stranger to target me ruthlessly for petty reasons is underhanded and dimwitted. It is a scroungers action, that of someone who has nothing to live for, but themselves.
I'm making this up. It's how I feel right now. But my thoughts are now plagued with this incident and I fear that I will have a disturbed sleep if I am unable to express some of my thoughts and anxieties.
And although my mind still whirls, I hope I have made way for an ease.
Unfortunately though, this event has reaffirmed my certainty in the diminishing, and perhaps long diminished, value of the human race.
This makes me dread the next step of my thoughts, but I'll halt this now.
In the morn hope for better than today.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
It has occurred to me that someone as powerful in these traits as Loki could develop some serious side effects. And we have already seen some of these and in large have seen the outcome that these side-effects have created.
I am watching Thor (again) and this whole idea occurred to me in the moment that Loki yells at Odin, demanding his true identity and the reason for having been taken from Laufey.
Let me explain: Someone who lives their life making every possible moment a trick or lie surely must experience doubt of themselves and their fellows.
Yes he worked out something was not right (he started turning blue!) but at the same time, due to his nature, was he always aware that there was deceit toward him? Can he spot when people are lying to him? Or does being deceptive make him constantly think that everyone is trying to lie to him, as much as he is to them? Surely the fact that he was aware of this before his identity was revealed could have lead to his extreme response, to fit into the footsteps previously trodden by Thor.
I suppose in some ways, Loki is a pathological liar. By lying all the time, he self-doubts. He is constantly after power and acknowledgement, away from his adopted brother, Thor. As such, Loki finds himself constantly in difficult predicaments - his plans bite him in the ass.
How can he trust anyone, even himself, if everything is a lie to him? He discovers his "biological" father and then lies to him so that he can kill him. And he does it so that he may be equal to Thor.
In times when he must face the truth, it is seen in both Thor and The Avengers, that it pains him to face it. Honesty hurts him more than lies as they pull apart his carefully constructed shell that he hides inside. His eyes water and he is so wrapped up in his world of lies that he has never had to learn that the truth can hurt sometimes. He just ended up with a lot of painful truths thrown at him all at once.
If this is how he has always been, can we really blame him for being so isolated from everyone - that he needs to use a sceptre to make friends. Not even his 'allies' want anything to do with him really. They just use him for his cunning.
Surely it is Odin's fault that he did not instil in Loki the importance of truth. It is a brilliant thing to be so skilled as Loki is, but it is equally important to be able to accept truths as well.
To be so cunning and powerful (magically) are talents to be treasured for their own values, but to see everything as a lie and trick and to believe that there is no other way to live, is a great burden. He is burdened with brilliant yet terrible gifts.
I think we can all agree that Loki needs a group hug of epic proportions (and probably quite a few counselling sessions).
What is my aim in this? To identify that Loki is more than just the God of Mischief. He is a god of doubt and uncertainty. Of hurt, sadness and loneliness. He is a god of fighting for a place in any society by the only way he knows how. All of which are human traits that we may face everyday. More human, I think, than any other of the Gods we have met.
Loki is a piece of every one of us, just trying to be someone better, but not knowing how.
- Current Mood: contemplative
- Current Music:Broken Glass - Three Days Grace
How do people stay so Happy and carefree all the time?! Unless everyone is doing the same as me and hiding behind a well used mask, which would be pretty ridiculous.
I'm not "always so happy" in fact I'm always quite the opposite. And what's worse is I feel at a loss on the occasions that I am genuinely filled with joy. I want my sadness back! Absolute masochism, that's what it is. It's like self harm but that's too difficult to hide, so instead I create scars in my thoughts and try to
re-train my brain. Who does that?! Seriously?!
But it's not just sadness of course. Why miserable person would do/think such things? It's hate and loathing and fear and anxiety.
I hate me and life. It's a fecking mess!
I have lots more that I would love to say but I think that before I loose complete control and start weeping uncontrollably and considering horrific things I should end this. My honesty has gone a bit out of control.
I guess that's what happens when you hold everything in for so Many years.
This post is also a good example of how long it can take for me to start my dangerous spiralling decline and to already find myself wading through the mire.
Maybe sleep will help.
Over and out.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
I'm back at uni, and it's my final year. This of course means that I have a tonne to do and plenty of time to do it in, I just need to be disciplined and motivated. So far the last two days have gone better than my first two years of uni. Now I just need to keep it up.
As starts go, so far so good. I was absolutely dreading the thought of returning after a year of work only to find that uni once again makes me feel like crap. But, maybe staying focused and working everyday I don't have lectures will help to prevent that. That does make perfectly logical sense.
What doesn't make perfectly logical sense is the little voice in my head that likes to tell me I suck and will fail at everything because I am a failure. Is it any wonder I struggle so much...? My mind hates me!
Despite having missed the opportunity to do more work this evening (instead I watched crap TV with my house-mate), the stack of books and lecture notes beside me look promising for tomorrow.
I am currently at a bit of a loss for reading material - it's more the fact that I don't know what to read, I have plenty to choose from (both old and new) - so am currently working my way through Fandom of the Operator by Robert Rankin for the second time in my life. Amusing and random, it's a comfortable read, however I really feel like I should be branching out and reading the numerous other stories that I own instead of re-cycling ones that I know.
I have been enjoying Pottermore (when it releases stuff). I am not drawn in by the Casual Vacancy.
I think I've run out of things to say. Either way, here is my latest LJ update. Will interesting to know when the next will appear and why.
Over and out!
- Current Mood: sleepy
I had a bit of a strop on when I saw what LJ had posted implying a lack of care for its loyal users. I vanished and began a Dreamwidth then realised just how much I missed LJ. I just couldn't do it. Just updated LJ for iTouch and am loving it! I've been waiting for this moment for SO LONG! so much easier to use. Thank you LJ!
Anyways, a joy to back which is overwhelming compared to the utter horrid day I have been having.
Over and out.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Once again I have returned to haunt my LJ. It seems to come in bursts and ebbs, controlled by my head and how life is going at the moment. And of course the music of choice.
Gosh it feels odd to be here again, especially since I'm typing and entering this via my iPod. Very unusual for me.
I'm not sure what I am trying to achieve in this entry, perhaps just re-alerting myself to the fact that I do have the option of releasing the overload of cruel thoughts in my head so that I may continue to live normally around people.
whatever normal is anyway
So many times I feel as though my mind is slipping. The struggle is whether I should allow myself to keep everything under wraps or to allow it to spill forth into a crazed madness of grief and anger and many more negative emotions.
I almost want it to happen, which is the scariest bit. And I keep looking back into the past where artificial aids kept me moving forwards.
I also know that it was in fact being in university which broke the camels back.
Such a simple thing and it has destroyed me. It is designed to create better opportunities for the future, not encourage students to abandon all thoughts of a future and instead spend time determining ways of ceasing such a possibility.
I'm writing far more than I expected, but my mind and thumbs are on a roll. I should rest now anyway.
As I have repeated on numerous occasions and will do so again, I must come here more often to talk my thoughts through. Ha! And I always speak as though someone is listening. Well I suppose I treat my LJ page as the 'person' I am talking to. So, sorry LJ page for the nonsense rants of repetitive thoughts.
Over and out.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.